Thawing Out
Cold blooded? No! Just Vitamin D deficient.
I really am just a lizard.
The weather this week has been above 60 degrees, so I’ve almost thawed out. I’ve put a cute outfit together almost every day this week. I changed the way I do my makeup to incorporate more sparkles.
I feel like I can breathe again.
I love so much about the winter and the holiday season. There can be so much joy in stretching them out and celebrating for a month at a time. But once Valentine’s Day is over, I expect the sun to come out and the temperature not to dip below 40 until October.
Everything I sat down to write over the last month or so felt so doom-and-gloom. I have a ridiculous number of started drafts about feeling exhausted with life for different reasons. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. There really is something to be said for vitamin D deficiency messing with your brain.
The first day I got outside and took an extra walk, aside from my chilly morning commute, life didn’t feel as hard as it had the day before. The sun hit my face, and even though I wore a pair of shorts that had definitely been a little looser last year, I felt alive again.
I definitely don’t think all my depression is seasonally based. Some is hard-earned through tears, genetics, and trauma. But during the cold months, it feels like I’m fighting it through Jell-O. My playlists are all sad cowboy music, and I don’t ever have a good enough reason not to eat my weight in chocolate.
This week alone, I think I’ve done more solo activities outside my apartment with my toddler than I did the entire month of January. We have been to the park multiple times, gone on extra walks, and, of course, taken a few trips for iced coffee and ice cream. It’s too beautiful not to have an icy treat.
During the winter, I can suddenly only leave the house if my husband is home to chauffeur us around. Otherwise, good luck prying me out from under the heated blanket. Every day, tasks just feel more difficult than they should, and I never feel like I can muster enough energy to do even one or two things.
This week, my house is clean, I’ve written some things I’m excited about, and I even finished a book.
I still think I need to spend a good few hours lying in the sun to declare myself officially thawed out. If I can book a beach trip without selling a kidney, I think I’ll truly be able to kiss seasonal depression goodbye for the year.
Until then, I am focusing on fostering the things that bring me joy in the warmer weather. Time outside with my family, re-reading my favorite beach reads, and basking in the sun, just like the lizard I am.